11+ tends to create some controversy. One counterargument to entrance exams for that age group is that they create too much stress and pressure on children. But does it have to be that way? Or are there some tried and tested strategies for managing 11+ exam stress?
In this article, we’ll provide lots of tips. We’ll tell you how to spot the signs of stress and how to manage it from the start so that you can always put your child’s well-being first.
Understanding the Mental Impact of 11+ Exams
An excellent school can be a central component of future success.
That’s not to say children won’t thrive in any school. However, you only need to look at performance tables and progress 8 scores for the best schools in the country to understand the true benefit of an excellent education.
However, with those expectations comes a challenge: the entrance exams. And it’s hard to separate that pressure from the expectations of how big that reward might be.
In short, if you feel stressed as a parent when faced with the prospects of 11+ entrance exams, you aren’t alone, and it’s not unusual. But it also means there is a high chance your child will feel some of those emotions, too, however hard you try to shield them from the pressure.
11+ Exams and the Pressure on Children
11+ entrance exams can be an emotional challenge for even the most resilient children. They are smart, which means they will pick up on their parent’s emotions and desire to secure a good school. They will feel the pressure to perform well—even pressured by their personal expectations—even if you, as a parent, don’t place your own expectations on them. Children want to impress and fear disappointing parents or those they respect. So, the worry about not securing their favourite school will weigh heavily on their minds.
As most adults understand, stress can manifest in many forms. And that’s true for children, too. Children can exhibit symptoms of anxiety or irritability. They can experience sleep disturbance. Stress can affect eating habits, friendships, family dynamics, and even a child’s interest in their favourite hobbies. Stress can also impact a child’s enthusiasm for learning and education in general.
How to Spot Signs of Stress in Your Child
The most crucial step in supporting your child through 11+ is to recognise the signs of stress.
Look for any changes in behaviour. Are they withdrawn or turning down the opportunity to take part in activities they once enjoyed? Do they seem overly sensitive to activities or conversations? Do they recoil at any conversation about study, academic topics or schooling?
Physical symptoms can be indicators of stress. Your child may complain of stomachaches and headaches, and you might notice a change in appetite. It’s imperative that you always check with a GP first for any physical symptoms to rule out possible medical issues.
Another symptom to look for is a change in your child’s sleeping patterns. If your child struggles to get to sleep, wakes during the night, has nightmares, or wakes early, these could all indicate a worried child.
When you can spot symptoms, you are in a position to start helping with supportive strategies that can alleviate that pressure and improve your child’s well-being.
Create a Supportive Environment at Home
Even the thought of having a stressed child is enough to put any parent off the 11+. However, there is good news. You can plan how you prepare for the exam in a way that helps manage and minimise the risks of a stressed child. Your first step is to create a supportive environment at home.
Foster Open Communication
Encourage your child to talk to you about their feelings. Ensure they understand that you will listen without judging or reprimanding. Practice active listening skills so they can see you are taking what they say seriously. When talking, try to provide some gentle reassurance but back things up with some practical solutions, too.
Create a Calming Environment
A well-planned home environment can help calm your child and reduce stress or anxiety. Review their study area and make sure it’s designed to promote calm and concentration. That means it should be well-lit—with natural light, ideally—clutter-free and tech-free. It should be quiet and away from other family distractions like siblings or pets. It should include a comfortable table and chair. Head to Pinterest and look at Montessori-style designs. These are often the perfect layouts and decor for children.
It’s worth talking to your child about their study area and what you can do to make it more personal and relaxing for them. If you get the design right, it will feel like a retreat, which will help prevent study time from feeling like a chore.
Practical Approaches to Stress Management
If your child seems stressed, there are some simple steps you can take. Do this as early as possible. If you catch early signs of stress and you can help your child manage it, you stand the best chance of avoiding it worsening.
Establish Good Study Habits
Building good study habits is an underappreciated life skill. Remember that your child is still young, so they won’t have a framework. You can guide them without it becoming a lecture about school work. Focus on distraction-free study – the Pomodoro technique is a good one to try. Give them a stopwatch and get them to spend 5 minutes studying without giving in to distractions. Be realistic, too. Children this age cannot work for hours at a time. Get them to work in short, focused sessions with plenty of enjoyable breaks in between.
Focus on Leisure Time
Kids need to experience a balance between work and play. It’s not just about spending time on screens. It’s about a variety of fun activities that will help restore and relax them. So have a list of things to do, and get out in nature as much as possible—it has a proven, calm effect on the human psyche.
Exercise and Nutrition
Incorporate lots of exercise into the weekly schedule. What you choose will depend on your child and what they love. You could do family activities like cycling or walking. Or perhaps you could sign them up for a team sport like football or hockey. This is a great way to keep those stress levels manageable.
Remember to prioritise good nutrition, too. Incorporate fruits, vegetables, complex carbs, and protein sources into the daily diet. It will keep their energy levels high.
Emotional Support
Teach your child some basic mindfulness and relaxation tips. The Mindful Powers app is an excellent place to start and is perfect for this age group. Any type of breathing exercise is valuable, and if you have a child who loves sitting upside down on the sofa, get them to try some Yoga – many child-friendly basic yoga classes are available on YouTube.
These techniques help your child improve their focus and reduce feelings of anxiety, so there are good practices to explore for any parent, irrespective of whether your child takes exams or not.
Another item to add to your list is finding ways to boost your child’s confidence. It is helpful to get them to write down small wins and achievements—you could keep a folder at home to store any certificates and things they feel proud of achieving. Reinforce this with the language you use when you speak to them about how they make you proud. Focus on praising them for their efforts, commitment and resilience rather than results.
Handling Setbacks and Challenges
Things don’t always go to plan with academic goals. That’s true for anyone, but for a primary-age child, it can be a hard thing to comprehend. Here’s how to help your child manage setbacks.
Disappointing Mock Results
Your county may run mock papers, and you can take them privately. If your child’s results aren’t what they expected and aren’t high enough for the target pass mark, you must move beyond this and use it as a learning opportunity. Focus on what they did well during the exam, and talk to your child about how they felt. It could be that fear got in the way of their performance. Remember that resilience is an important quality to nurture, so encourage your child to accept setbacks like these but move past them.
Handling Overwhelm
If your child gets too stressed during the preparation period, they could hit a metaphorical wall and experience a feeling of overwhelm. Remember that this is common and a sign your child needs time out. Time spent away from study and in fun activities is the best way to support them, and ultimately, that will help them thrive academically. Remind your child that it’s okay to feel like that occasionally and that it’s our body’s way of telling us to slow down.
Seeking Professional Support
Sometimes, it’s worth considering whether a professional like a counsellor can help if you feel stuck.
Look for signs your child is struggling, particularly if you have tried managing the situation and home and haven’t seen a notable difference. Write a private journal of times when you’ve seen signs of anxiety, stress or lack of confidence.
That information will help if you engage the support of a professional counsellor. Speak to your GP and the school. If you can afford a private counsellor, it’s worth the investment.
Supporting Your Child in the Days Leading Up to the Exam
Naturally, feelings and stress levels will heighten in the days leading up to the exam. Maintaining a neutral tone about the exam is vital, avoiding any discussion of outcomes. Remind your child that it’s only one day, and you are proud of them for taking on such a big challenge.
From a practical point of view, get your child to review any final notes, but ensure they don’t cram in those last few days. Plan some days away from the books and find activities to help your child relax and take their mind off things. Ensure they get a good night’s sleep the evening before and a hearty, healthy breakfast in the morning.
On the day, offer some positive words of encouragement. Get them to practice some breathing techniques to help calm the nerves. And make sure they understand the practical elements of the exam—where they need to go, who they will speak to, and how long it will take.
Plan a fun reward for when the exam is finished. This will allow your child to focus on something they will enjoy rather than focusing all their energy on worrying about an exam paper.
Empowering Your Child Beyond the 11+
The 11+ is one day, one exam unless you apply to private schools or multiple counties. But if you help your child navigate the exam with resilience and a growth mindset, what they achieve mentally in the long term will surpass any exam mark they get on the day.
The growth mindset might seem like a bit of a fashionable term, but there is plenty of evidence now that children thrive when they can handle challenges and setbacks and understand how to use that to learn and grow. If you can foster that attitude in your child during this phase, it will benefit them in later years during their GCSEs and beyond. It’s worth reading a book called Grit by Angela Duckworth if you want to learn more about achievement and the part played by perseverance. It’s a must-read for parents.
Take the time to reflect on the journey you both made during the 11+, irrespective of the results on paper. Talk through some of the struggles and the things you are most proud of, and encourage your child to express some of the aspects they are most proud of achieving outside of an exam score. It’s a way of teaching your child that later in life, the process of learning and wanting to learn is far more valuable to our development than any single academic result.
11+ Exam Stress: Managing It From the Start
All children are different, so 11+ exam stress will be a different experience for every parent and every child. However, it’s essential to understand that it’s a risk, and the best way to manage it is by embracing some strategies right at the start of your journey. Keep your child positive and engaged, and ensure your child has plenty of fun along the way.
We developed Smarty Panthers because we firmly believe that learning should be fun. Our first-hand experience of 11+ prep was that it didn’t always meet that criteria, so we did something different. If you want to learn more about how our adventure-based workbooks can put the fun back into 11+ learning, head here to browse our shop.
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